A Fish Called Selma
And here I am using my own lungs like a sucker. Marge, just about everything's a sin. Y'ever sat down and read this thing? Technically we're not supposed to go to the bathroom. How could you?! Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whatshisname? We live in a society of laws! Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn't hear anybody laughing, did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Makes sound effects and laughs. Where was I? Oh yeah! Stay out of my booze. Hi. I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self-help tapes as "Smoke Yourself Thin" and "Get Some Confidence, Stupid!"
I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming. Look out, Itchy! He's Irish! Duffman can't breathe! OH NO! Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen. How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?
- I'm allergic to bee stings. They cause me to, uh, die.
- Don't kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he'd eat you and everyone you care about!
- Your questions have become more redundant and annoying than the last three "Highlander" movies.
- I don't like being outdoors, Smithers. For one thing, there's too many fat children.
Our differences are only skin deep, but our sames go down to the bone. Thank you, steal again. The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity… Yes! I am a citizen! Now which way to the welfare office? I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I work, I work. Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. Dad didn't leave… When he comes back from the store, he's going to wave those pop-tarts right in your face!
Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk
Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman — and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing. Fire can be our friend; whether it's toasting marshmallows or raining down on Charlie. Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix. The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity… Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen. …And the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night. On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night.
- Please do not offer my god a peanut.
- A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. Six feet tall, 300 pounds…it makes ice.
- Get ready, skanks! It's time for the truth train!
Natural Born Kissers
Can't you people take the law into your own hands? I mean, we can't be policing the entire city! You know, the one with all the well meaning rules that don't work out in real life, uh, Christianity. I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes! Fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs.